a note to the girl who feels like she’s behind in life
same girlie, same.
confession time: i hate keeping up with old friends and classmates on social media. of course it’s nice to see what everyone’s up to; but it’s not so nice when you feel like everyone is light years ahead of you. we hear it all the time that comparison is thief of joy, and believe me when i tell you that’s absolutely true. i’d love to be someone who doesn’t compare my path to others (because no two paths are the same), and i’d love to be someone who embraces the journey God has set before me instead of envying other peoples’ lives. but man, is it tough!
it’s tough when you go on facebook (aka the devil) and see people you went to high school with who are on their 2nd or 3rd child; meanwhile you can’t even get a boy to ask you out on date. it’s tough to go on instagram (another enemy of mine) and see the people you went to college with who have thriving careers and businesses, while you can’t seem to get any company to hire you. it’s hard remembering the dreams you had for yourself years ago that you thought you would have reached by now; yet you’re nowhere close.
the past couple years have honestly been really hard mentally as i’ve grappled with the (extremely) big gap between where i am and where i hoped to be by now. i’ve cried. i’ve gotten frustrated and overwhelmed. i’ve gotten angry at God and angry at myself. i’ve wanted to give up on my dreams and my goals.
so why am i telling you this? why am i getting all vulnerable and disclosing this information with you? it’s because i want you to know that you’re not alone. life looks different for each of us, but sometimes it’s tough seeing peers level up in life while you feel so stagnant. it feels like cars are flying by while you’re stuck on the side of the road. the fomo is so real.
if you’re like me, your thoughts have the tendency to turn towards the negative and pitch a tent there. suddenly you start comparing and start kicking yourself down wondering why in the world you’re not further along. but in these moments i encourage you to stop and take a moment to think about the good things in your life.
look for the good. i think for a lot of us (except for you optimistic, half-full cup, lemonade out of lemon people), our first response is to focus more on the negative than the positive. our first response is to look at the girl on social media who seemingly has it all, and instead of celebrating her, we get jealous of her. don’t fall into this trap!! if you look for the negative you’ll certainly find it; and if you look for the good you’ll find that too. so choose to look for the good :)
remind yourself of the good that has already happened in your life and trust that there’s much more good to come.
another thing i want you to do it take care of yourself. sometimes when i feel like a failure, i neglect to take care of myself. not only do i tell myself that i don’t deserve it; i also tell myself that it’s not worth the effort to dust myself off and try again. i know, that’s not the best practice so don’t be like me lol. i’ve started working on this more and allowing myself to do the things i need to do to take care of myself and prioritize my health. not sure what that looks like for you, but for me that looks like putting aside my extensive to-do list, allowing myself to sit back, rest and do the things i enjoy, and giving myself tons of grace. i encourage you to do the same.
and one more thing: don’t give up, friend.
don’t quit before you get to the good part. don’t quit before that big idea you have takes off. don’t quit before you get that job you’ve been dreaming of. don’t give up on people before you find the good ones. don’t let your fears of failure stop you from trying. something i have to remind myself often is that God doesn’t waste the waiting seasons. and you may not wanna hear it (heck sometimes i don’t wanna hear it), but there’s purpose in our pain. although life may look really crappy right now, i wholeheartedly believe that there’s something beautiful up ahead for you.
my newsletters usually aren’t this intense i promise. but if i was able to help just one person, it was most definitely worth writing. i’d love to know your thoughts on this topic.
talk to ya soon,
itunu x